Being a Muslim Woman: A Blessing or a
Curse?
2005/03/26
By Yagmur Dursun
The status of women has
become a focus of today’s society. Some people are trying to advance the
cause of equality in the real world, while others are looking for equality
in their religious books. For example, Muslims are claiming that Islam
accords high status to women. Many Islamic scholars dashed off numerous
articles about sexual equality in Islam. They are telling us that Islam is
the only solution.
Many critics question the
concept of equality in Islam.
As a Muslim woman with
bitter experiences, I dare to question “Islamic equality”. I am
neither a scholar nor a PhD. But I hope my personal experience will be
interesting to readers.
All Muslim men are
extremely proud of polygamy. They say that western men are unfaithful and
they have many lovers. But unlike westerners, Muslim men take care of all
their women. I say I’d rather be a lover than a wife in a polygamous
marriage.
My whole life is about
pleasing my husband. Since I am not the only wife, I also have to compete
with my co-wife. How humiliating it is for a woman to compete with another
woman in pleasing a man! If I were the only woman, I could say no and
explain why I don’t want to please him. But now I can’t stop him or
say no. If I do, my husband won’t even think about why I’m
dissatisfied with his begaviour. He will say that he has another wife and
I can rebel as much as I want but in the end it won’t change anything
(and he is right). If I were a western woman, I could demand divorce. I
can’t do it now because one’s husband having a second wife is not a
reason for a divorce. If I were a western woman, I’d have the right to
be angry at my husband for having a lover. But I can’t be angry now,
because it’s morally acceptable for a Muslim to have many wives.
Most importantly, I have
children. If I don’t compete with my co-wife and win, my children will
be disadvantaged.
It’s so hard to see
one’s husband kissing another woman. I am not an animal; I am a human
being with feelings. Just like men I can be jealous. But who cares about
me and my feelings?
I’ve recently received a
book named “How to become a good Muslimah” as a gift. Being a good
Muslimah is about pleasing your husband and forgetting about yourself –
I have already understood it.
If I were a lover, I would
be loved. As a Muslim woman, I am only an object – a sex object, an
incubator and a maid to my husband. I am there to serve HIM and to please
HIM.
Luckily enough, I am in the
West. There is hope for me. I CAN rebel and I WILL rebel. I only pray for
my poor sisters in Muslim countries.
Some western men batter
their wives. They are punished. They are NOT encouraged by their religion
to beat their wives. Muslims are.
Muslims say that it’s
only permissible to beat your wife ‘gently’. Where is it said in the
Koran that men should beat their wives gently? Frankly, I am sick of this
discussion. How can a man discipline his wife even with a handkerchief?
Are women stupid or children? Yes, we are stupid according to Islam. When
my husband beats me, he always says that he wishes me well. If I am
obedient, I will enter Heaven.
Has anyone been beaten with
a toothbrush or a handkerchief? Well, believe me; it is as humiliating as
being beaten with a rod (which is kept in our house in case someone really
hits my husband’s raw nerve). You feel like an adolescent, who was
disobedient and has to be punished. I feel so stupid and miserable. If I
go to imam, he will say that it is permissible for a man to disciple
gently his wife. If I was severely battered, I need witnesses. All these
things are happening in the
UK
. Muslims are living in a parallel world; they are not interested in
secular laws that are meant to protect women. Imagine what’s happening
in Muslim countries?!
What about being told that
you are deficient in intelligence and religion? My husband doesn’t pay
much attention to what his wives say because we are ‘full of
deficiencies’. We are meant to bring up children. That’s all. When I
asked my husband if I could work, he laughed and replied that he
sympathizes with employers who take on women. Nobody can succeed if he has
female employees.
How did it happen? How
could liberated women of
Arabia
accede to these humiliations and absurd demands of Mohammed? How could
they believe him? It’s obvious to me. Remember, we women, are main
dwellers of Hell. Unfortunately impressionable Arab women were deceived
into believing in this lie and said goodbye to their rights.
If I don’t want to have
sex, nobody cares to respect my wishes. If I try to resist his advances, I
will just be forced to submit. Muslims say that it is natural for men to
have a big appetite for multiple women. As far as I know, it is
questionable but I’d like to bring up another subject. Religion is
supposed to help people to achieve the highest standard of morality. With
the help of religion, people are supposed to refuse to give in to their
sinful nature. Islam, however, upholds the worst traits of human
character. Muslim men may want to have sex with many women, but they are
living in a civilized society. Can’t they overcome their beastly nature
and show that they are civilized?
Christianity is pro
monogamy. It will make you a better human being, if you are monogamous and
fight against your sinful desires. If you are a Muslim, you get carte
blanche to turn into an animal.
My experience with my
husband proves that it’s better for me to submit to his whims and have
sex with him whenever he chooses, even when I am not ready for it. After
all, I don’t want to be beaten with our special rod.
If a Muslim woman wants to
rebel, she is called disobedient and beaten. If she tries to question
Islam, she is presented with quotes from the Quran or threatened with
burning in Hell. So much for the equality in Islam!
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