Letter from
Hell
Att: Syed
Ebrahim
Date: Feb.21, 2005
Dear Syed,
My name is Mohammed bin Abdullah and I have been dead for more than 1400
years. First do not be alarmed for receiving this letter from me. I do not
know you but your name comes up randomly of the list of names given to me
by the Creator of the Universe whom I shall call, 'CU'(you'll note later
why I chose not to call it 'Allah').
Contrary to what millions of muslims believe, I am rotting in 'Hell' for
past 1400 years. Now I am about to reveal the truth to you about me that
has never been told before since the Islam was founded by me in the
Arabian deserts. In writing this memo, it's not my intention to bore you
and perhaps, other readers, with details of the biography of my life and
the history of Islam. There are already countless numbers of books about
me and on Islam available today everywhere. But what is more
important is to tell you about the whole intention behind my coming
up with this scheme that lasted for so long from the borders of Arabian
deserts to almost every corner of the world today. Wow! how stupid can you
all be? In this snapshot, excuse me for not remembering names, dates and
many incidents in chronological order......after all it has been quite a
while.
Growing up in Mecca, there's no secret that I was a loner in my town.
Since the death of my mother, I have been yo-yo'ed from one house to
another by those who felt sorry enough to take care of me. As a kid, I
resented the fact that I did not have a father and mother to shower me
with TLC as other kids in my neighborhood were fortunate to have. Of them,
I became jealous of the Jewish kids in particular as they always appeared
to live a good life compared to desert pagans or beduins. I hated them.
But I also learned that I wanted to be rich and powerful. For next many
years I wandered about hanging around with several camel traders traveling
in caravans from town to town waiting for an opportunity to strike rich.
One day I met an older lady who gave me job as a 'wheeler-dealer' in her
business of selling merchandise to neighboring towns. After a couple of
months working for my boss, Khatija, I saw a window of opportunity to
fulfill my dream, i.e. wealth and power. I began pursuing her as soon as I
realized that my boss held a ticket to my goal. Being a widow and lonely,
Khatija accepted my marriage proposal. After a while, I became
disenchanted working as a merchant with my wife whose 200 workers(pagans)
showed little or no respect for my ability as their new boss. I knew
that I had no special skills. However, I noticed an enormous respect
rabbis and priests were getting from Jews and Christians. Being around a
bunch of pagans and idol-worshippers all my life, I tried preaching them
the teachings of Jesus and Moses after learning them myself from two
Christian monks and a rabbi. However, those desert dwellers showed no
interest in my sermons. Partly to find peace and partly to get away from
my wife's business which I began to detest, I would often go out into the
hills or to cave Hira to day-dream. On one particular night upon coming
home, after getting 'high' from smoking hashish, I told my wife and
some neighbors that I saw an angel who spoke to me the 'words' from God.
Though my stories were met with skeptism for a few days, later they began
to take me seriously. Among them was this old gullible man named Abu Bakr
who not only believed every word I said but also became my most loyal
follower. From the beginning on, I needed to be rough and tough as a gang
leader to get their attention. For example, I began abusing Khatija
physically in front of her workers so much that not only I won her silence
and obedience but also that of her employees and neighbors. My typical day
would include killing of few pagans and Jews and those who doubted me and
my revelation with Allah. I would loot and raid, rape and kill, torture
and torment and would always end it and justify my actions as part of my
new revelations from Allah. To my dismay, my gang was growing large
and becoming more and more ruthless. At the end of the evening, we would
celebrate our victories smoking hashish and drinking booze. Later I
decided to ban drinking for my men after realizing that they became
inactive the next day from 'hang-over' and instead I encouraged smoking
weed as it tends to make my men more violent and zombie-like. By now, my
gang(army) has grown into thousands as it began attracting and recruiting
everyone from street bums, criminals, to sun-baked-brain-dead-beduins who
benefited from lootings, free sex, orgies, slavery, and more. Every night
was a party night for us. Ahleluia........here I come, Allah! From village
to town, from town to city, from city to country, we invaded and raided
and conquered. That time many Christians were busy fighting among
themselves. So it made our job easier. I was by then on top of the world
and felt nothing could stand in my way and Allah. After Khatija, with whom
I never enjoyed sex as much as I enjoyed her wealth, died, I began lusting
over this very young girl who happened to be Abu Bakr's daughter. The only
problem was I was in my 50s while Aisha was barely six years old. With
Almighty Allah on my side, I convinced my sidekick, Abu Bakr to hand
her over to me. As any father would, he was first stunned and
pleaded with me saying his daughter was just a child still playing with
toys. As Aisha became more and more appetizing for my lust while not
knowing whether I'd live another day due to fear of being assassinated, I
could not wait and again approached her father with a scheme that worked
well for me so far. "Abu, I saw an angel last night in my dream who
has a message from Allah that I should take Aisha for my wife", I
whispered. For the next three years, Aisha was my sex toy locked up in my
house like a chicken until she was ready to 'handle' me when she reached
her mature age of nine(I know I am a pedophiliac, but who cares). From
then on, my lust for women was always answered by my new company,
Allah,Incorporated as an open cheque book. I lusted over anyone from slave
girls, widows who just lost their husbands in wars, to even my own
daughter-in-law. After the Allah,Inc. was established, I knew I needed to
come up with a book to keep my followers in check and disciplined. So I
introduced the Quran which was a compilation of Bible, Torah and a bagful
of collections from Greek and Persian philosophers. Luckily, I had our
work cut out for us since most of my followers were illiterate or
downright stupid. Otherwise, if copyright law was in effect then, I could
be sued for plagiarism. After my death, I learned that muslims blindly
follow my teachings through the Quran and Hadiths. After reading a
collection of hadiths told by many 'kiss-and-tell' story-tellers about my
life and what I did as a so-called prophet including by my young
wife, Aisha, I was certain that this cult I founded would dissipate like
communism or nazism. But it didn't. With the fastest growing cult, Islam
gained thousands of new members each day who were given a simple
choice of 'embrace Islam or die' method. I should tell you Allah, Inc.
which was by then generating enormous profits thru lootings and tax
collections, was growing by leaps and bounds, all in wealth, strength and
thuggery including ferocity and barbarism. But I was having too much fun
to stop it. I said to myself to enjoy this whole game while I could
believing that the cult was certain to be destroyed after my death. Lo and
behold, this Allah, Inc. is still well, alive and kicking as ever even in
the 21st century. As a leader of the cult, I was known to be stone-cold
toward human tragedies and atrocities around me. And I was, indeed, except
for the time when my army and I were travelling and passed thru a grave
site where my mother was buried. I have very fond memories of my mother
who loved me dearly and was worried about my welfare until she died of a
decease at such young age. The only blemish on her was that she did not
die a muslim. Drowning in my own speeches of how infidels should be killed
for refusing to submit to Allah, I needed to make an example in front of
my muslim soldiers. So I decided against paying respect to my own mother
at her grave not 'cos. of my lack of love for her, but for her dying as a
pagan. That night in my tent, I cried like a baby missing her terribly.
For a fleeting moment, a thought of making many children orphans under my
sword crossed my mind, only to snap myself out of it and later went on to
marauding and murdering the next day.
My dear friend, fast forward today, I am in hell for past 1400 years
sentenced by the Lord, CU. Contrary to horrific layers of hell such as
burning for eternity or organs plucking out of a body which I created as a
'fear factor' to scare the hell of my people, the Omnipotent, All
Powerful, Compassionate CU punishes us by instilling in us a sense
of concience. Now that I am equipped with human concience, I am forever
haunted by the images of families losing their loved ones, slave women
being gang-raped, infidels Jews/Christians/pagans being systematically
murdered in a genocide, girls dying slowly of being stoned, old men killed
for doubting me, etc,etc. Oh, boy! was I evil ! By the way, I share my
cell with the likes of Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Al Capone, Idi Amin, and
Ayatollah Khomeini. All of them leave me alone, except for the Khomeini
guy. He follows me everywhere I go like all those morons did back in the
deserts. What's appalling to me, in retrospect, is how I got away with
murders and how people whose brains are supposed to be enlarged thru
evolution process, remain loyal, faithful and obedient to my teachings
until today. Can't they see I was a bullshit artist at best; evil at
worst? Hitler, who confesses to being inspired by my ideological
brainwashing tactics which eventually led him to founding his own, Nazism,
once said to me that what works for me did not work for him after
humanity-loving civilized world discovered his evil-mind and saw to it
that his ideology be eradicated. I told Hitler that my success was
primarily due to building my company, Allah Inc. based on nothing but 'fear'(hell)
and 'rewards'(paradise). It's no conincident that the muslims, by and
large, have contributed nothing to humanity, be in art, technology, social
development, medicine, or science ....other than turning to me(oops,
sorry, I mean Allah) five times a day while they prepare for a journey to
the other world. Another reason I and Allah, Inc. still exist, as I told
Hitler and Stalin, is because I cleverly manage to take away muslims'
ability to 'think' since their young age. You might have seen in the Quran
such verses which prohibit them from questioning about me and my motives.
Hitler once credited me that as bad as he was creating his ruthless SS
team, he could not get them to kill their own kids. But muslims would not
hesitate to murder their own children if their faith is tested either in
jihad or honor killings. Al Capone who was listening snapped in and
said,"I'd rather take a bullet in my head than to hurt my own
child". I nodded my head in agreement with them. Khomeini, however,
still believes my deeds were noble and that was all part of Allah the All
Knowing's plan. He said Allah created us and the earth and everything
around it. Then I asked, "then do you believe the earth is flat as it
was stated in the Quran?". "Yes, who will doubt the word of
Allah", Khomeini replied beaming with confidence. Quietly I sighed
relief with 'ignorance'.
In conlusion, I realize what I have created out of mankind: (i) a race of
ignorance, (ii) a race of idiocy, (iii) a race of barbarism, (iv) a race
of backwardness and (v) a race of hatefulness. Genie is out and perhaps,
it's too late to save muslims of the world. Now hear me out, Syed.
After 1400 years of confinement in hell, and as a reformed person, I am
reaching out to you to see what you can do to save the rest of mankind.
That means all non-good muslims and kafirs, many of whom could be perished
in the hands of a few good muslims who follow me and my teachings blindly.
Thanks to pseudo-scientist like A.Q.Khan who shared nuclear technology to
other muslim bad guys like sharing candies, you all live in a world today
100 times more dangerous than when Islam was under my reign. Remember I
only had swords and spears to fight the infidels with. Can't you see it's
like giving a match to a bunch of psychopathic pyromaniacs? These guys
would stop at nothing to get to this imaginery Allah I created out of a
lonely night in a cave. Wake up, mankind!!!
Regretfully,
Mohammed |