Lonely Apostate
2005/09/11
Dear Ali,
The
submitters have cleansed half of the junks that used to be my belief. However, I
started doubting them when they say that Rashad Khalifa is the messenger/rasul
ordained by Allah to reinstate the pure Islam as it was 1400 years ago. I would
still have submitted had they not proclaimed the messengerhood of Dr. Rashad.
Thus, when they started replacing Mohammad with Rashad in the English
translation of the Quran; that was the wake up call for me. Nevertheless, my
thanks goes to them for without whom, you Ali Sina would have had difficult time
to convince me to leave Islam. The submitters initiated my doubt about the
present Islam; Ali Sina perfected it.
I
feel liberated like most apostate here feel. But I have to admit there is also a
void in my heart. Living in Islamic country where apostasy is a taboo, I feel
LONELY. My best friend from university had turned against me, and reported me to
the local authorities. She forwarded my emails to them. Lucky that the authority
could not trace me because my friend did not know my address and the address of
my office.
Ali,
I am lonely! I mean I can’t possibly find a partner who shares my belief or
rather unbelief. I can’t marry a non-Muslim because my identity card carries
the fact of my previous religion. Our marriage would be null and void. To change
it would cause an uproar in our registration department where I will be
subjected to courses for abandonment of Islamic belief.
I
am so helpless. I have biological as well as emotional needs but I can’t be
living together without marriage because that is uncalled for. I don't believe
in one nightstand or jumping from one bed to another. I need to have a family of
my own. I am a family person. I want to have a marriage bond where my future
spouse and children would enjoy the benefit of a family proper, just like the
one I grew up in, showered with love and affection. By the way, my family is a
staunch Muslims in terms of practices and rituals but they condemn the mass
killing by Osama or any killings in the name of religion like the Aum Shinrikyo
of the Japanese Shoko Asahara.
Just
like Iran, we too have moral police here equipped with statutory enforcement and
punishment, albeit they do not harm you like Iranian moral police, but it would
be enough to humiliate my family if I were to be caught. I can’t bear the
thought of my family being hurt by my arrest. I love them so very much. Thus
far, I have been living like a hypocrite. I perform the salat and sawm at home.
Do
you have any solution? Nooo... I don’t want to emigrate. I love my family,
see.. I am such a hopeless! But I’m so very lonely...
Yours
sincerely,
Tanjung
Dear Tanjung
Let us first celebrate the fact that
you have become enlightened and left the cult of hate. Congratulations and kudus
to you for your sagacity and insightfulness.
As for your problem of feeling lonely
in an Islamic dominated country, I think you are being overly pessimistic. There
are many apostates living around you who share your views but just like you they
are afraid to talk and don’t trust anyone. We apostates are the fastest
growing “religion” of the world, i.e. if you can call apostasy a religion.
People are leaving Islam every day, and our number is growing exponentially. The
real challenge is how to find the apostates when everyone is afraid of speaking
and hides his or her disbelief? Again I think the Internet is the response. Try
to find someone through the Internet. Write a personal ad and announce you are
looking for a life companion. When you fill your ad, don’t say that you are an
apostate. Present yourself as “nominal Muslim”. When you meet someone,
discuss about his religious views and see to what extent he is brainwashed. In
the course of your correspondence tell him you are reading faithfreedom.org and
are curious to see what he thinks about it. Chances are that once he starts
reading this site, he too will become a full-fledged apostate. However, listen
carefully to his reactions and see what he says. Don't argue with him. You don't
want to convert him but to find a suitable husband. If he starts being abusive
and react negatively, you know he is not the right person. Agree with him and
move on. You don’t have even to meet your contacts. Just make that test before
meeting them to see whether they qualify. When you want to find someone
online, you have a list of criteria that you expect your potential mate to have.
Add religious views to that list.
My dear Tanjung I know what you go
through and I know it is difficult. However, since your eyes are opened now, you
will not find happiness with a Muslim man anymore. He will abuse you just
because of your disbelief. You have
to find someone enlightened like yourself – someone who can treat you and your
mind with respect. It might be a little more difficult, but it is not impossible
and the reward of finding such person is huge.
Ali Sina
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