Ex-Malaysian Muslim

Before you read my story below, I would like you to know that a lot of details are omitted to prevent people finding out who I am, etc. Some individuals and organizations may use my detailed info to hurt me in some way – just because I do not think Islam is right for me.

My parents made Malaysia their permanent home and that is where I was born and raised. By the laws in Malaysia, whoever is Malay or has a Malay ethnic background, they have to be Moslem. Since, my dad is Malay, our whole family in Malaysia was registered as Moslem and had no other choice but to be Moslem.

In regular school (from grade 1 to university), we had to learn Islam over and over. From age 8-11, I was also sent to religious school (every day except weekends) in addition to regular school, which I hated! I hate to wear the veil because it is hot and humid all year long in Malaysia. I recall making fun of the teacher in religious school at the age of 11 because she kept on talking about nonsense (which she seemed to believe in). At least I just went to religious school from age 8-11 (other kids go from age 7-12). I probably started late because my parents wanted to see if I could handle regular school alone. And I quit at age 11 because I wanted to do sports and the religious school’s headmaster didn’t want to let me take leave for sports practice. So, my parents said, “Hey! quit then”, which is good. My siblings had to go up to age 12. But they were in a religious school that was only 3 times a week and only 2 hours a day instead of 4-5 hours.

In addition to all that, my parents insisted I learn the Koran. I hated that too because I hated reading Arabic and I have no idea what it is about. So, what is the point of it? My parents just wanted me to be able to do well in religious studies at school and not feel left out among other children in Malaysia. Anyway, I used to make the Koran teachers want to quit coming to our house to teach. My mom has a lot of stories to tell when it comes to me making the Koran teachers want to quit. Later on, my dad would have a cane out (to beat me) to make sure I was learning the Koran and not making the teachers want to quit. This is another thing I used to do, when I changed teachers (because I made them quit by giving them a hard time) I used to flip the pages of the Koran a whole lot (hundreds of pages) and mark the page there as where the last teacher stopped. So, the new teacher would start a page, which is hundreds of pages after the one I last read. That way I finished the Koran fast and didn’t have to worry about wasting time on nonsense. Sometimes, I would do the same thing even if I didn’t change teachers. I would try to trick the same teacher. Anyway, my parents still think I managed to go through the whole book.

Since I was young, I was doubtful about this whole Islam thing. With all the bizarre things going on according to the religious teachers and its difficult rituals, Islam was a nightmare to me. I recall one day (probably when I was about 11 yrs old) the Koran teacher was telling me we should believe in Allah, the prophets, the 4 books, etc. I asked him whether we only have to “believe” in them without knowing if they exist? “Yes” he responded, “we must believe in them without knowing if they exist”.

In all schools, the teachers used to teach us that all non-Moslems (kafirs) are going to hell. When I told my parents this, they got mad. They said that isn’t true. The teachers are not god to judge who is going to hell or not. I think my parents just think the Koran teaches good things but they don’t know themselves what is in there because they didn’t study it. During my dad’s time, no religious studies were taught in school.

For secondary school, I went to a school that is multiracial and multi-religion. I began to make friends with people that were not Moslem. They were very nice people. Nicer than the Moslems. They always respected me and never forced me to do anything religion wise. The Moslems were forcing me to practice Islam and giving me a hard time. I finally realized something was wrong with the idea that all-Moslems will end up in heaven one day but never the non-Moslems. So, I decided that Islam is nonsense. Why is it that good people go to hell and bad ones go to heaven? Just because of what religion they follow? Not everyone is given the same chance to learn Islam. I realized my true friends in secondary school were never Moslem.

A factor that contributed towards me leaving Islam is the fact that women HAVE to wear veils. They claim it is so that men don’t look at sexy women, etc. It is to protect the women from men staring at them, etc. Well hey, there are Moslem men that turn me on/get me sexually aroused and they don’t have to wear a veil and cover up! I wish they would so that I can concentrate on other things rather than them. But this isn’t in Islam for the men.

When I was in my last year in secondary school, we had to take the national exams. For Islamic Education, I had to study about marriage in detail to do well. So, I learnt all the stuff and got the highest grade anyone can get for Islamic Education. And guess what? Because I know it so well, I know that there is a lot of discrimination against women in Islam. Things like a father and grandfather can marry a girl/woman to whomever they want even if the girl/woman doesn’t want to marry that person. That is disgusting! A man can beat his wife (after giving her advice and sleeping apart) if she doesn’t do whatever he wants her to sounds horrible to me too. I am a person that is strongly against corporal punishment on children because of my own personal experience and certainly against women! In addition, I learned things like women couldn’t be witnesses in Syariah Courts and things like that.

Since there are parts that are horrible in Islam, I do not accept it as the true religion. Plus, the religion is extremely difficult for me to practice if I want to be comfortable with my lifestyle. So, that is why I choose not to be Moslem. This has cost me a lot. I had to give up an education in a better university than the one I am attending now, a guaranteed respectable job, and everything I have in Malaysia to live in a foreign country. This is going to sound crazy but - I actually married another Moslem apostate from Malaysia so that he would help me move to this new home country of mine as he had the money and in return he could stay here safely. This has disadvantages – like it is hard to get other men to date me if they know I have a “husband”. Hey, if Malaysian Moslems find out that we are not Moslem, many would torture us in some way. In Malaysia, there are Pusat Pemulihan Akidah’s or Faith Rehabilitation Centers and perhaps even the death penalty (in 1-2 Malaysian states only) for Moslem apostates. I even gave up my Malaysian citizenship to be safer. The fact that Malaysian Moslems want to hurt us hurts me a lot because, why do they have to hurt us just because we view Islam differently? We wouldn’t have treated them badly or anything. My “husband” said that they know their religion is nonsense. So, anyone who tries to reveal this is somehow “changed” or killed to avoid more people knowing that it is nonsense. They are just so insecure about their religion that they have to get rid of people who know the truth about it!

After reading the Faith Freedom International and ISIS website and confirming it by reading a translation of the Koran in English (translated by a Moslem!) and other translations online, I realized that there is more crap in the Koran than I have thought– all this killing the non-believers, keeping captives (slaves) and having sex with them, etc. Even the Hadiths have a lot of inhumane stuff and I don’t think they should be considered 100% true as they are based on what he or she said hundred years ago.

Currently, I am a person of no religion. Many Moslem apostates who have been hurt and/or seen people get hurt in the name of Islam think that Islam should be totally destroyed. Of course, it would be great if it were possible. However, all I ask for from Moslems is freedom of religion, as I know that would help reduce the number of people suffering. Plus, if Islam were so great like Moslems claim, people would want to believe in it and practice it anyway without being forced.