Why I don't Emulate Islam's Prophet Anymore

First of all, is it necessary to say something about me? I don’t like to remember my bitter past when I was a prestigious Muslim.
Like any typical ignorant Muslim, I was very much Islam-oriented. ... A man who couldn’t tolerate any brickbat on his beliefs and learned to be suspicious and prejudicial on critics and criticism. . I suspended all allegations brought by critics with much contempt and disdain. I too believed Islam’s prophet is a man of exalted morals, I am taught to live like him, to love him., to walk on this earth like he did. All those were acceptable until I learned to doubt and began to look upon things differently.

I learned history from an Islamic perspective, but after the completion, a simple thought provoked me to see, how could this same story be if I rewrite it in a lost pagan’s perspective?
I think it was the beginning of my enlightenment. I refused to play the part of a victim any more and a lot of courage was needed for the purpose.

I don’t exactly remember what wrote doubt in my mind. May be it is Lord Buddha and his teachings or a glance at Jesus and his sufferings.

I learned look unto my own inner self through Buddha. Then quite shockingly I realized my beloved prophet is a misfit. He failed to show me anything other than the dark side of human nature.
Those who trumpet the greatness of Islam’s prophet have a responsibility to prove it by referring him and his life. Is there any lesson of mercy in Islam’s prophet that can be compared with what Jesus showed to his executioners even in excruciating pain of crucifixion? Where is the moral of renunciation in him when we have Lord Buddha as a role model of ultimate renunciation?
Muslims are quite eloquent on familial values and keen to find fault with others especially west. I challenge any Muslim to show me any virtue in their prophet’s familial life that can be blindly followed!
I left this prophet and his teachings, but this is not a praiseworthy act, when in fact I should be ashamed of being a part of this cult at least for quite some period of my life in the past. A repentance and apology is due. So let me try my best. I will be an active member of this forum and contribute what I can to end this stupidity.

I dedicate this testimony to the whole of suffering humanity; I dedicate this to those innocent kids massacred in Beslan. Shame on you Muslim, you still taste their blood sweet.!

Divyan