Diane's testimony of Leaving Islam

By Diane 

2006/02/14

I was born to a Muslim family, in the Middle East. Arabic is my first language. Not until about two years ago I never doubted Islam as a true religion, and “Allah” is the almighty GOD, and Mohammed is the messenger of Allah to human kind. What else can I know, and I was born to a large family, uneducated parents, who blindly accept everything the “book” and the haddiths say.

As long as I can remember, I always had the tendency to think of God, I wanted to feel close to a supper power, intelligence, great mercy and love. And I thought that’s what Allah and Mohammed represent. So I tried my best to follow the teaching of Islam. Except of wearing the veil (I was hopping for Allah to forgive me for my sin), I did a lot of what is required from me as Muslim.

I used to pray, sometimes pray “extra” prayers to please Allah so He let me enter his Heaven. Like a robot I performed the same prayers again and again and again! Every day, at least five times a day.

I fasted in Ramadan, and sometimes I fasted extra days. I read the Quran like hundreds of times, and I memorized many parts of it. I read the haddiths (Mohammed sayings) and memorized many of them. And As I am doing all these good deeds! I always, noticed the violence, and the injustice in the teaching of Islam. But I thought maybe that’s because I do not understand the “peaceful”, “divine” massage yet. So I assumed that the problem is with me, and Mohammed and His Allah know much better then I. I thought I needed to work more on strengthening my faith. I asked Allah to clear my heart, and make me a better Muslim, and to allow me to go straight into paradise, and please, please not to toss me into the hell fire. I used to get horrified by the punishment described in the Quran for those who are the inhabitants of the hell. Sometimes, I cried when I read the Quran because I was too scared, much more then because the Quran is so beautiful and moves people to tears as many people claims. However, I thought the Quran is beautifully written, if rhymes like a poem!

Well, I kept on wanting to feel closer to Allah, till about 2 years ago. It was Ramadan, and I was fasting, and sitting in my room every night praying and reading the Quran. I felt the urge to feel God. So I prayed, and prayed, and asked Allah to clear my mind and Guide me, and show me the right path.

But the unexpected happed, after days and days of asking Allah his guidance continuously, every time I come to pray or read the Quran I felt sickened, irritated, annoyed. I felt sort of shaking sometimes and angry that I started cursing silently while I am supposed to be performing my prayers. I was troubled of what is happening to me. All what I asked for is to be a better follower, and all what I got is feeling so repelled by the prayers, and the Quran. So I decided to stop praying or reading Quran for a while. And I felt bad about it. I thought maybe, “Satan” is involved! And the “devils” are messing with my mind. But later, I calmed down and gradually came to my senses, and after few months of this incident, I realized that Islam is NOT for me. I am a smart, good person, and Islam is evil wearing fake clothes of a beautiful angel.

So I left Islam for good, and I don’t follow any other religion. All the religions I know have bad things; I believe they all distorted the Image of God. By making GOD seems like a crazy, blood thirsty, psychopath “Man”. I think that’s disgusting. I will never follow anyone, and only follow my heart, because it knows what is right for me.

Naturally, every human knows what is right and what is wrong without needing God to send few “Male human massagers” or “his kids” to earth to tell people what to do, and to point out the good and the evil. People already have the ability, a built in system, to recognize what is right and what is wrong, and they have the choice to choose between the two. For instance, I can easily tell the wrong and evil form the good in any thing even if it is claimed to be from above!

I now believe in the most loving, most forgiving, a supper power and intelligence that operate in every creature, planet, and universe in a peaceful way. It already gave us a beautiful heaven (this universe that we are in), and it will continue to do so by moving us to other heavens after we leave this one, and it also granted us the gift to know the good and the ability to do it, and a freedom to choose. This power doesn’t need creatures to praise it; it doesn’t burn a fire to Barbecue people. It is simply much greater than that...

Thank you

Blessings,

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