Lampoon
Cry
of the Miserable Talibans!
By
Syed Kamran Mirza
Talibans’
Enigma
O
Almighty, Merciful and Compassionate Allah, why do you forsaking
us? At least at
this crucial time. We
have become Talibans only to please you and not for any body’s
sake! Our only
passion is to establish an Islamic Utopia in Afghanistan and
beyond. To achieve
this, we undertook a formidable task—we dedicated ourselves to
become the true Ummah of our Holy prophet.
And we became Talibans (students).
Lest you forget, we did not take any education
established by western kafirs.
Instead, we took up the education you love most. We have
attended your favorite Madrasahs of Wahabite styles and studied
nothing but your Holy
Word, which archangel Gabriel had delivered to our Holy
prophet a long long time ago.
We also memorized every words of
Rasool Karim (swa)
which is the basis of Sunnah.
We did not rest for a single day after we consolidated
power in Kabul. You
know Allah that we declared Holy Jihad in Afghanistan and with
all the spirit of Islam and with some help from guns and bombs
(borrowed from Kafirs) we have established
Islamic paradise in our dusty land.
We also have washed out sins of Kabul and entire
Afghanistan with the Holy Spirit of Islam.
We have chopped many hands and feet, flogged many kafirs
and infidels, stoned to death many unclean man and women,
destroyed all the educational institute established by those
western kafirs and replaced them with Allah’s
Madrasahs, abolished women’s education and women’s work
outside, put all the women (tools of Satan) in prison (strictly
in the metaphoric sense), painted all windows, we compelled all
women to wear Burqa to cover head to toe including their
enticing face. In
addition, we didn’t rest until we have compelled all the men
to keep beard and to wear Islamic dress—Muttahejaba
and all. We also
trained all young Afghan to become true students or Talibans.
We have very successfully turned the country’s wheel
backward to the middle age (7th century) and removed
all those western Satanic influences by banning all forms of
music, TV, Radio, sports, etc.
We have successfully expelled all western educated kafirs
from Afghanistan; we have barred women education and compelled
them to study only Qur’an and hadiths.
O
Merciful, O Compassionate, O Omnipotent Allah, what else do
you want from us? Haven’t
we accomplished the holy job of severing all relations with most
western kafir-countries, kept relation only with your home
country Saudi Arabia and her stooges such as Pakistan, Iraq,
Emirates only? To
please you and our apostle—we have valiantly destroyed
historic statues of Buddha and all other forms of statues of man
and animals.
We bowed in your holy name, if we get chance, to
destroy/demolish all the statues of living objects (man and
animals only) made by kafirs throughout this holy planet earth.
We have compelled small left-over minorities Hindu kafirs
to wear yellow badges and inshallah, soon they all will be
either converted to Islam or drown them in the sea (Oops! We are
a landlocked nation!). We
have driven out most western educated half-kafir Afghans from
our Islamic paradise. However,
by doing all these righteous works, what are we getting from you
Allah?
Since
we took over this Allah’s Khas
land, we have had two big earthquake killing thousands of pious
Muslims and destroying tens of thousands of Taliban’s
residence. What did
we do wrong, Allah? While
we have destroyed most of the infrastructures built by kafirs,
our hopes were that we should get blessings from the heaven
above). We thought
we should get everything from Allah as you have promised with us
in the holy Quran. O Allah, you have repeatedly promised in all
over the Qur’an that, “those
who believe in Allah and lead pious/righteous life will be
rewarded in this earth and also will be
rewarded Jannat-a-ferdous hereafter”. But, O Allah you
are not giving us any reward here on earth.
There is no hints whatsoever!
Here in this promised land (paradise of Islam)—our
Taliban children are dying by the dozens mercilessly because of
no available food or medicine. About half a million Afghans have
already abandoned their homes to become refugee in the
neighboring Pakistan and Iran. This Islamic paradise of
Afghanistan is getting poorer day by day instead of getting
richer by your blessings. What’s wrong with you O
compassionate Allah, why are you punishing us so much?
Are you really testing our infallible Iman?
After all, these natural calamities now you have given us
drought and continuous drought, which is wiping our crops,
killing our cattle and children are dying due to scarcity of
food and medicine. When
everything else fails, what do we do?
Like ancient Trantic
of India, do we have to offer human sacrifice?
Wastagfirullag!
Nauzubillah!!! O
Almighty, do you know that our supreme Islamic
Shura decided to perform Human sacrifice (burnt offerings
which you previously commanded in Holy bible where you
repeatedly said you love the sweet smell of burnt meat very
much) to draw your attention and to please you?
If you don’t believe us then read yourself this news
given by kafir press (Associate Press)
The
Puzzling news from Taliban Heartland
Afghanistan
to Sacrifice Infants to End Drought
by
KANYA BELIEVIT Associated Press Writer
KABUL,
Afghanistan (AP) -- Afghanistan's Taliban rulers -- already
isolated by their policies of barring women from all occupations
except prostitution, in order to protect morality, and forcing
Hindus to wear yellow cloths, in order to foster religious
tolerance -- announced plans to begin sacrifice
infants to Baal. They are to be thrown, live, into a
bonfire, by their parents, supervised by the Taliban's Committee
for the Protection of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. The
hard-line Taliban regime that controls 95 percent of this
famine-ridden, war-torn country plans to enforce the edict soon,
Mohammed Wali, religious police minister, told The Associated
Press on Tuesday.The law will also make it mandatory for parents
to bury “excess” girl children, Wali said. The edict drew
criticism from other Islamic states as well from the West and
international human rights groups. But Wali said the latest
Taliban edict is in line with Islam. “This is the only way to
end the drought,'' the minister said. “We challenge anyone to
bring a single Qur’anic sura against throwing live babies into
a burning inferno. Why is the West so concerned about a
barbequing a few babies when thousands of Afghanis are dying
because of the drought while the West does nothing to help?”
Reactions around the Islamic world were
mixed. While most Muslims condemned the action, others
congratulated the Taliban on their forceful decision. “We know
that Baal was an enemy of the Israelis,” said a Hamas
spokesman who declined to give his name. “Since Muslims are
also enemies of the Israelis, sacrificing infants to Baal must
be the true path of Islam.” Munawaar Hasan, general secretary
of a major Islamic political party in neighboring Pakistan
called Jamaat-e-Islami, or Islamic Party, also supported the
move. ''The Taliban should win praise for this step,'' he said.
“Finding a concrete
yet Islamic method to end a drought is a must in any Islamic
country and this step seems in line with this concept. Pakistan
might do well to follow this example of Islam in action.”
A
rather Short Talibani Munazaat
(Supplication)
O Compassionate Allah, what more could we
do to please you? Our comrade in arms and Deen,
the neighboring Iran when drove that Kafir Shah of Iran and
successfully drove one million out of Iran, killed couple of
millions inside and imprisoned all women, you did the same.
Instead of giving your glad tidings, you also gave them
earthquake, drought, etc. by which you single-handedly ruined
their economy and that onetime-prosperous country has gone 100
years backward. Why
Allah, why? May
be that Ayatollah Khomeini was a Shiite Muslim whom you may not
liken so much. But,
what about us? You
gave our Prophet Muhammad (your peyare’r banda) if not glad
tidings from the above, at least you gave him Angels to fight
the kafirs and plenty of plundering booty (young
women, lots of wealth and camels).
But, we are neither getting angelic help nor getting any
booty. May be, you
are wishing us to conquer all the neighboring lands of kafirs
including America to get booty.
But O Allah, how could we do that with so little power?
Those few Stinger Missiles from Harami
America which had helped us to get rid of those
Godless Communists are now collecting rust.
No spare parts came from Heaven, Allah!
Now, how could we invade kafir lands when all those
kafirs are so much strong with all sorts of Satanic (scientific)
weapons? Why
can’t you give us super strong weapons and some Angelic
supports so that we can subdue all kafir lands to get attractive
booty (young women and wealth) for our valiant Islamic heroes?
In Qur’an, you mentioned so
eloquently about the Ababil
birds that brought wrath to pagans.
May be we need those birds.
But without any verdant landscape how can we lure Ababil
birds to come to our rugged land?
A hopeless
situation, indeed! O
Allah the Merciful, what will make you convince that we need
your help now, badly, very badly?
How can we wake you up from your long slumber?
It was about 1400 years ago that you sent Archangel
Gabriel to Prophet Muhammad to straighten a few unruly Meccans.
Perhaps, it is about the time O Merciful and benevolent
Allah that you either send one of your archangels to take us
from this utter misery or else we (and Islam, too) will be in
great danger in this mortal world.
Without a victory, O Allah, you can kiss goodbye to your
dream of converting the entire Ashraf-ul Moklukaat into a giant
big Ummah. Are you
still listening to our pleas?
Do we hear a thundering reply?
Don’t be so cruel, Ya,
Rahman-ur Rahim!!!
Please, please, for once, listen to our pleas.
It is becoming a dreadful place already—this
Afghanistan. Is
there a silver lining in the dark cloud?
Sorry, monsoon cloud does not reach us here.
It bypasses us and goes to Kafir Hindu India.
What a bummer!
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