Dr. Zakir Naik – an interview with UBC* [part II]

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This is the second part of the UBC interview with Dr. Zakir Naik.

UBC – Welcome to our studios once again Dr. Naik. The last time you told us that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) played tennis. Many people have been mailing us, asking who exactly he played with.

Dr. Naik – Well, he played with anyone who was willing; but he did have a preference for the under 16 and under 13 team. In fact these terms are widely used in the world of sport today.

UBC – That’s true; so you mean to say this was Muhammad’s (pbuh) contribution to sports?

Dr. Naik – Of course, Islam has made immense contributions in the field of science and technology too. It’s a different matter that the west won’t accept it. They claim everything as their own invention.

UBC – Could you elaborate on that please?

Dr. Naik – Well take contraceptives and birth control for instance. With their crazy one or two child concept, would the west have ever invented contraceptives if it weren’t for Muslims?

UBC – Point taken. Go on…

Dr. Naik – Take the instance of development in defense technology. Machine guns, tanks, advanced artillery systems, laser guided stuff, cluster bombs etc. If it wasn’t for the Islamic world, western nations would’ve gone to bed after the Second World War Its Muslims that keep them awake and kicking. Can you think of the employment generated by the defense industry? Shouldn’t the credit for this go to us?

UBC – So Islam has not made any direct contribution to development; it has been the cause of it?

Dr. Naik – It amounts to the same thing.

UBC – Why not Dr. Naik, it should. Tell us something about jihad.

Dr. Naik – Well jihad is a word that’s widely misinterpreted by the western media. Jihad doesn’t mean holy war.

UBC – The west too says the exact same thing. In fact they say it means unholy war!

Dr. Naik – Again misrepresentation of facts. Jihad means fighting with the evil within oneself.

UBC – So is that what suicide bombers do?

Dr. Naik - Well, can you tell me whom suicide bombers kill? They kill themselves don’t they? Because they fail to fight the evil in themselves, they just go and blow themselves up.

UBC – What about the innocents in the vicinity that also get killed?

Dr. Naik – Brother, for that I would like to use a word invented by the west – collateral damage.

UBC – If that’s the case, it’s acceptable. Now why do you want to implement Sharia throughout the world?

Dr. Naik – Its Allah’s law, and it will help prevent crime and moral degradation in society.

UBC – Hmmm…Dr. Naik, let me give you a situation where a woman is alone at home. Her husband has left for work, and she urgently needs a dozen eggs. Can she go to the neighborhood grocers and fetch it?

Dr. Naik – Never, she cannot leave the house alone without her husband. She can call the grocers and ask them to deliver the eggs to her house.

UBC – Agreed, now what if the grocer sends a handsome guy with the eggs? She may be tempted and get him to fertilize her own eggs. Wouldn’t it have been a lot better if she went out alone and got them?

Dr. Naik – She can even tell the grocer to send the eggs with a female shop attendant.

UBC – But even a female attendant cannot come alone with the eggs, can she?

Dr. Naik – No, she has to be escorted by a male person.

UBC – Would it be commercially viable for a grocer to employ two persons to deliver a dozen eggs? …On the other hand, even if that does happen, what if all three of them decide to jump into bed?

Dr. Naik – The Sharia prescribes very harsh punishment for that kind of women. Death by stoning.

UBC – That’s if the husband finds out! Surely you don’t expect a man to realize that his wife is having an affair, just because he finds eggs on his plate everyday?

Dr. Naik – Hmmm… well we can make it compulsory for all married men to have hidden cameras in the bedrooms.

UBC – Brilliant idea, but what if they live it up in the bathroom?

Dr. Naik – We can tell them to fit cameras in the bathrooms and kitchen too.

UBC – Ok…Dr. Naik, you claim Muhammad (pbuh) is a holy prophet and a messenger of Allah (swt). Can you tell me of another prophet who promised his followers hookahs with scented tobacco on this earth and seventy two hookers in heaven?

Dr. Naik – That was the reward his followers were promised in heaven. Allah (swt) told him about it, so he had no reason to doubt. Doesn’t Hinduism also preach karma?

UBC – There’s a world of difference between the two. Karma promises rebirth as a human for good deeds; no virgins or pretty boys. That makes more sense to me.

UBC – Anyway, thank you very much for your views Dr. Naik. In the next part, we shall discuss some of the teachings of Prophet Muhammad and try to make sense out of them. We look forward to some pearls of wisdom from both you and your holy prophet.

Dr. Naik – Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity.

To be continued…

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note - * Sania Mirza is a great achiever, and the reference to her is simply to highlight the plight of millions of Muslim women who are innocent victims of their barbaric faith. Readers are not at liberty to interpret this reference to Sania in any other manner other than what is intended by the author and made expressly clear in this footnote. * this article is a satire and UBC is a fictitious name.